Leading up to the birth of the first child gives your mind plenty of time to wander and begin creating scenarios on what might happen and how you would react when confronted with such issues. The problem is with never having the experience of raising a child you really can’t begin to be able to understand what you will do in certain situations or when something goes wrong and you have to think on the fly. The anxiety of all this internal searching of how you will do as a parent seems to only make it more than likely you’ll screw something up. Luckily, the small things you screw up don’t come back to haunt you.
My anxiety has been at an all time high lately. I have a mother-in-law who is excited for her first grandchild and can’t seem to stop buying us clothes for the child. Don’t get me wrong. I love that we have enough right now to keep him clothed until his first birthday (not really but close) and that I haven’t spent much money on him yet because I know that day is coming. It’s just so overwhelming when I keep hearing how she found another outfit or a fun little top or a cute pair of pants because I don’t know where we’re going to store this stuff. You see, me and my wife have done a great job of simplifying what we need. We don’t have much furniture (although we need to upgrade) and we will often clean out our closets to get rid of things we haven’t worn in some time. So to have a closet full of clothes no one is wearing and won’t be for a couple more months is driving me nuts.
Another thing that is getting to me lately is our plan to buy a car. As I’ve stated before I am a bit of a planner and do a decent amount of research before doing something. Well, I feel I have found the car for us. Now it’s down to coming up with the money needed to purchase it. The great thing is we are getting a tax return soon that we can use towards the car but now this will add a monthly payment to our lives. This is tough to think about because other than my student loans we will be essentially debt free. So adding a debt that we will be paying on for a couple years doesn’t really make me feel all fuzzy inside. But I guess seeing how we have a car seat already we might as well get a car to put it in. Plus, this will make going to the grocery store easier and less of a chore.
One thing that I keep telling myself to try to keep me sane is that I am about to embark on a journey with my wonderful wife as we raise our first child. I will get to teach my son how to play baseball and hockey, how to ride a bike and how to build cool little race tracks for his hotwheels. These thoughts make me smile at night as I lay in bed with my hand resting on my wife’s rounded stomach feeling him kick and bounce around in there.
There are going to be stressful times from here on out but the one thing I need to continue telling myself is to enjoy every moment of them because before I know it, I’ll be sending him off to college and wondering where the time went.